Bullets and Bottles
by Wootar16
Summary: Not every story has a happy ending


**Happy Birthday to my friend Csilla who is officially legal in every country. Congrats bro... I'll get there in like 3 years *sigh*. ENJOY!**

Sean and Alex ran down the dark alley, gasping for breath. They quickly turned a corner and ducked as bullets flew by them.

"Alex, run!" Sean yelled at her as he turned around and shot at the people coming towards them.

"Sean, no! I can't leave you here!" Alex called. She spun around on her heels to face him when she noticed he had stopped. Fear for his safety was taking over as she ducked behind a dumpster and bullets all flew around them.

"Alex, just go!" Sean yelled again, frustrated at her stubbornness. Didn't she understand why he wanted her to go?

Alex fought internally with herself for another moment, try to decide whether Sean would be alright without her. The odds weren't looking too good, but she did understand why he wanted her to go. She began to run, further and further down the narrow corridor.

She went to turn the corner, grabbing the wall to steady herself as she pulled her body around at top speed.

As soon as she had turned the corner, she felt a blinding pain shoot through her back. The force knocked her to the ground and she let out a grunt as the air was forced from her lungs.

She didn't think she had ever been in this much pain before. She had taken bullets, yes, but this one felt somehow different. She whimpered quietly, biting back the cries of pain building in her chest.

Sean held his gun out in front of him, using the dumpster as cover so he could hit the other gunmen one by one without getting shot himself.

Duck, reload, get back up. Shoot until the clip is empty. Duck, reload, get back up. Shoot.

It had been going back and forth but Sean knew he was winning the fight. The bullets whizzing around him were less frequent and not as carefully aimed which indicated panic. As an added bonus, he was still standing, unhurt.

He fired off a few more shots and suddenly the entire alley went silent. Peaking his head out from above the dumpster, he gave the space in front of him a quick scan.

When he saw no one else was shooting at him he slowly lowered his gun, relieved. He had done it. He had saved their lives. Slowly, Sean let out a breath and ran a hand over his face and through his hair. He should go find Alex before she was out of reach; even in her condition she'd probably be a good half mile away by now.

As he turned in the direction where Alex had gone, he looked up – and froze. His heart missed a beat at the sight of two legs, clad in Alex's jeans and combat boots, sticking out from behind the wall.

His heart felt as though it had dropped out of his chest and a combination of fear, anger and panic instantly overtook him as Sean ran towards his love, his legs moving faster and faster.

"ALEX!" He called, sliding down to his knees next to her. She was lying face down, and her shirt was bloody, ripped and torn where the bullet had gone through it.

Sean looked down at the brunette and felt sick when he saw the blood pooling on the ground. His heart constricted as he slowly turned her over, fearing the worst.

"Alex?" Sean asked in a small voice, desperately hoping for a response.

"Sean." Alex replied, her voice nothing more than a harsh whisper as she bit back tears of pain. Despite the agony she was in, she smiled. Sean was here. Everything would be alright.

"Yeah it's me Al. You're going to be okay, I promise," Sean said as he brushed some hair out of her face, power of will the only thing keeping his tears at bay. "I need to find the source of the bleeding," he told her gently, dreading the task at hand.

Alex nodded and gritted her teeth as Sean turned her to her side. Sean flinched as he moved Alex; he knew he was hurting her and it killed him, but they both knew it was necessary.

His heart fell at the sight of the blood pouring through the hole in her shirt. It kept flowing, causing the stains on both their clothes and the pool of blood around them to become larger.

The bullet had pierced through Alex's back just under her right shoulder. Sean knew she was losing too much blood; she needed help and she needed it now. Not knowing what to say or how to comfort her, he kept silent for a while, horrified at the wound.

"Sean, it's okay. I understand," Alex said softly when she noticed he had been silent for a while.

Sean snapped back to reality at the sound of her gentle voice. "You're going to be fine Alex. I'm going to call Nikita and you're going to be fine." He said, grabbing his cell phone from his pocket; they had been on a mission, undercover and unable to have comm units with them. Nikita was on speed dial.

He waited for a few moments, anxious for Nikita to pick up.

"Hello?"

"Nikita, it's Sean," he states quickly, and without waiting for her to say anything else, he continued, praying they would be on time. "Alex was shot. You need to get backup here now!"

"We're on our way!" Nikita assured him, equally scared for Alex's safety, as she hung up the phone.

"See, everything's going to be fine." Sean said turning back to Alex. He took off his jacket and wrapped it around Alex's shaking form; he recognized the signs. She was losing so much blood that her body was going into shock and she couldn't keep herself warm.

Alex forced a smile as she relished in the heat Sean's jacket was giving her. She was relieved the pain was slowly starting to subside, her whole body becoming numb.

Sean ripped the sleeve of his shirt off, wadding it up into a ball before he pressed it to her wound, doing his best to stop the blood flow. He cringed at Alex's moan of pain as he put pressure her wound.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," Sean whispered. He hated that he was causing her this much pain and physically felt it himself. "Alex, you're going to be okay." He was starting to think he was saying it to assure himself as much as her.

Alex didn't say anything. She knew she wasn't going to make it, she had almost died several times in her life and each time she had had the same feeling. This feeling of giving up, of letting go. She was feeling it right now and Nikita would arrive too late. She knew it. Alex forced herself to turn over on her side, allowing her to face Sean better. She looked up at him and smiled sadly, already silently telling him goodbye. He let his hand rest on her cheek.

"Sean, I –" Alex said, trying to choke out the words, her throat constricted with held-in tears.

"I know. I know you do Al," he said quickly, not wanting her to waste her energy on telling him something he already knew.

She smiled, strangely touched by how well he knew her. "Sean, Sean don't leave me," Alex pleaded, suddenly scared, the smile fading from her lips at the thought of dying without him next to her.

"I'm never going to leave you Al," Sean told her truthfully. He moved himself behind her, leaning up against the wall as he kept pressure on her wound with one arm and wrapped the other around her midsection, making sure his arms and coat were keeping her warm. He was getting more worried by the minute. If Nikita didn't get here soon… He swallowed.

Alex turned her head as much as she could and pulled Sean down towards her, gently kissing his lips. If she was going to die she was glad to be in his arms. Alex smiled as he kissed her back and instantly relaxed into his warm embrace.

Embracing her fate, she looked the love of her life in the eyes tearfully. "Sean, please tell Nikita that I'm sorry and that I love her."

"No, stop it. You don't get to say your goodbyes," Sean protested, scared out of his wits at the thought of losing her. He knew Alex, and if she was giving up, saying her goodbyes, it meant the end must be near.

"Sean, please!" Alex begged him, the pain in her shoulder becoming overwhelming again. She needed him to do this, for her. So she could die in peace.

Sean nodded sadly. "I promise," he told her, knowing she needed to hear those words.

"I love you, Sean," Alex said doing her best to look at him.

"I love you too Al, so much. " Sean tried to keep his voice from cracking, but failed utterly.

"Sean, you need to move on," Alex choked out after a few minutes of silence. It pained her to say this, to tell him to let her go, but she had to. She needed to make sure he wouldn't feel guilty when he met the next woman in his life.

"What?" Sean asked confused, looking at her. She couldn't possibly mean...

"You need to be happy, you deserve to get married and have a family. I'm sorry I couldn't be the one to give it to you," Alex explained as the volume of her voice dropped lower. She fought to keep the darkness at bay just a little longer. She had to make Sean understand.

"You did, Al." Sean reminded her. "You are my family. I love you," he repeated. Didn't she understand? She was and would always be his one true love.

"I love you too. I'm sorry Sean," Alex said softly before her body went limp in his arms.

Sean's heart dropped as she stopped moving. "Alex!? No, please no. Alex! Alex!" he screamed as he laid Alex down on the ground, putting his head to her chest, hoping that she was breathing, hoping to hear a heartbeat.

There wasn't

"Alex, no! No, no, no…" Sean called as he started a futile attempt at giving her CPR.

After a few compressions the logical part of Sean's brain made him stop his actions. "Al please! You have to wake up," Sean begged cupping her face in his hands. "Please, please wake up. You can't just leave me…"

"Sean!? He heard Michael call his name but he didn't move from his position.

"Oh god." Nikita chocked out, covering her mouth with her hand at the sight before her. She loved Alex like a daughter, like the sister she never had. She couldn't bear the thought of losing her, any more than she could bear the thought of losing Michael, or Birkhoff. Tears streamed down her cheeks. Alex. No, not Alex… Not Alex…

"Al, please no." Sean said again, tears streaming down his face.

Michael carefully walked over to them. He wanted to give Sean space, but had to know for himself. Alex was as much a daughter to him as Hayley had been. He just couldn't lose her, too. He had lost too many people in his life already. He gently pressed his fingers to Alex's neck, trying to find a pulse.

His stomach shot up to his throat when he didn't find a heartbeat. "She's gone, Sean." Michael said sadly, his voice constricted with both an enormous lump in his throat and pity for the young man in front of him.

"No!" Sean called in vain. "She's not gone!" he argued. "She can't be." The last words came out as nothing more than a whisper. Sean continued to lean over her, pressing his forehead against Alex's. "I'm so sorry sweetheart. I'm so sorry." he mumbled, over and over again. He knelt over Alex for several minutes; whispering words of regret into her ears, even if she couldn't hear him any more.

Nikita broke down completely, the loss of the girl who was like a daughter to her being too much. She kept a hand tightly over her mouth, trying to stop the inhuman noises from escaping her lips. Michael felt tears sting at his eyes as he looked at the sight before him; but he kept them at bay and held Nikita's shaking form in his arms. She needed him.

Back at Division Birkhoff threw his entire computer across the room, the device shattering into a thousand tiny pieces as it crashed to the floor. Sonya was surprised at his sudden outburst but was quick to comfort Birkhoff who was now kneeling in the middle of Operations, shaking his head. The world seemed to stop, everything slowing down to a halt as the reality of what had just happened sunk in with the group.

A sudden alert pulled the genius out of his thoughts as he angrily wiped the tears from his eyes and went over to an empty computer station. Clicking on the alert, a slight smile of satisfaction crossed his lips, despite everything that had just happened.

"Nikita, we got Amanda," he said simply. "She's about two blocks from your location, in an abandoned ware house. 963 Oscar Road."

The news instantly brought everyone out of their thoughts and grief. They still felt it but knew it had to wait. They all knew what this meant.

Sadness being replaced by pure rage, Sean gave Alex's forehead a kiss before standing up and heading towards the end of the alley.

Michael noticed his hasty movements and quickly went after him. "Sean!" he called, grabbing his arm. "Where the hell do you think you're going?"

"I'm going to get that bitch," Sean growled, shrugging Michael's hand off of him.

"It's a suicide mission! We don't have the back up or Intel to do anything." Michael tried to reason with him.

"Exactly, that's why you're staying here," Sean said as he began to walk off. He was going to protect Nikita and Michael, it's what Alex would have wanted.

"Sean you can't expect us to wait here while you go get yourself killed! This isn't what Alex would've wanted you to do!" Michael said grabbing him again.

His anger suddenly becoming uncontrollable, Sean turned around and punched Michael in the face. Self hatred coursed through his veins as he caught sight of Alex's body behind Michael.

He let her die. He promised her everything would be alright, and had let her die, just like that. When Michael hit the ground Sean took off, sprinting down the alleyway and towards the address Birkhoff had given him.

No more than 5 minutes later he barged into where Amanda was hiding. He spotted her on the far side of the room, sitting at a desk.

"Hello Sean. How wonderful to see you." she said with false joy.

Sean fumed as he walked over to her and grabbed her by the collar of her shirt, pulling her out of the chair and pushing her roughly against the wall.

"Sean!" Nikita screamed as she and Michael ran into the room.

"You killed them." Sean seethed at Amanda as he pressed his forearm against her throat.

"Sean!" Nikita called again trying to pull him off.

"She killed them!" Sean yelled again pushing Nikita off of him, causing her to stumble backwards into Michael.

"Them?" Amanda asked confused, before a sudden realization dawned on her. "That's why you were at the doctors' office. Alex was pregnant, wasn't she?"

Michael and Nikita stood in shocked silence, not knowing how to process what they had just been told. They hadn't known, any more than Amanda had until now.

"How does it feel, knowing you failed them both?" Amanda asked him coldly.

"She never did anything to you!" Sean yelled angrily. "Why would you want to –" He saw only a red haze as he stared at Amanda.

He and Alex had been going to be happy, it was to be her last mission and then she would have stopped field work. This wasn't supposed to have happened. They were supposed to have their happy ending!

"She was an ungrateful whore." Amanda spat.

Sean pulled her back before slamming her against the wall once more with all the force he had. "You don't get to talk about her like that," he said as he pushed his arm harder onto Amanda's throat.

"It's true. Do you know how many men had her before you? Didn't that bother you at all?" Amanda choked out. She was hoping to provoke a reaction from him.

"That didn't matter to me! Because they never had Alex. They had some poor girl who was sold into sex slavery. She was herself when she was with me, not Sasha, or Alexandra Udinov. Just Alex," Sean told her, his arm bearing down harder on her throat, causing her face to turn red from lack of oxygen.

"They were the best thing that ever happened to me," he told her, his voice dropping to a whisper.

He released his hold on Amanda, who breathed in deeply, glad to have air back in her lungs. Sean took a few steps back before he pulled out his gun.

Without blinking he shot Amanda twice in the head. "That was for my family," he said coldly as he tossed the gun next to her corpse before walking away, leaving a shell shocked Nikita and Michael behind.

Sean was silent the entire way back to Division. He walked into Operations and everyone went silent at the sight of the ex Navy SEAL covered in blood. He didn't say anything to anyone as he walked towards medical.

Having reached the right floor, he walked into one the room he had been looking for and tears stung at his eyes once more as he saw Alex on the metal table.

He collapsed to his knees next to her, grasping her now cold hand with his and placing his other hand over the not yet noticeable bump on her stomach.

He let the tears fall freely down his face as he stayed there.

Alex was the best thing that had ever happened to him. He loved her and she loved him. They were happy. After everything they'd been through, what happened in South Ossetia, the mutiny where it took weeks to figure out what to do next, this wasn't supposed to happen. They were supposed to have their happily ever after.

Sean ran his finger over the small diamond ring that Alex had on her fourth finger. He had given it to her the same day they had discovered Alex was pregnant. They had woken up in the morning and Sean had knelt down in front of her on her side of the bed, asking him to be his wife. Alex, to his surprise, had instantly accepted and in that moment Sean knew he was easily the happiest, and luckiest man on the planet.

The pregnancy had been another surprise completely. Neither of them had even considered the possibility until that morning.

 ** _FLASHBACK_**

Alex slowly walked into her and Sean's living room; just as she sat down on the couch, she saw Sean come out of the washroom, wearing only his jeans and drying his air with a towel.

If Alex wasn't so panicked she would've actually taken time to stare at his strong, bare torso but her head was spinning.

"Hey Al," Sean said with a smile.

Alex didn't say anything, she just looked at him, her eyes wide. Sean instantly noticed her startled expression and was by her side in a second.

"Al? What's wrong?" he asked, worried about her.

"I think-" Alex stopped, not knowing how to continue.

"Are you alright?" Sean asked, sitting down next to her.

"I think – I think I might be pregnant," Alex said slowly, still not believing her own words.

Sean look at her in shock, a happy laugh starting to build in his chest. "Wh- what?"

"Sean, I don't know what to do," Alex cried, a tear finally finding its way down her face.

"Hey, it's okay," Sean said pulling her into his arms. "Are you sure?" He asked curiously.

"No, not 100% but, I'm 6 weeks late, and that's never happened before. Sean I'm so scared. What do we do?" Alex asked, moving closer to his chest.

"Calm down, just breathe. We're going to figure all of this out. You go get dressed, and I'll make a doctor's appointment okay?" Sean said slowly, pulling back to look into her eyes. Seeing how scared she was he restrained his lips from forming the biggest smile in the world.

Alex nodded numbly and walked into the bathroom, closing the door behind her.

 _ **END FLASHBACK**_

They had been able to get in to see the doctor and they discovered Alex was a little over 7 weeks pregnant. Sean was unsure about how she would react but was surprised when she said it would be her last day in the field until the baby was born.

The call had been last minute, very last minute, and Sean had begged Alex to stay at Division. She understood why he was pressuring her to do so but she hadn't yet figured out how to tell Nikita, so she didn't have a valid excuse to stay behind.

She had assured him that she would be fine, after all it was supposed to be nothing more than an easy in-and-out. Pose as a couple, swipe a flash drive off a mob guy, leave. He didn't know at what point everything had gone wrong. One second they were on their way out, flash drive safely with them, and the next Sean was cradling Alex's lifeless body in his arms.

He cried harder against Alex's arm as he held her hand. Where was he supposed to go now, how could he ever move on?

His stomach coiled into knots when he realized he would have to tell Katya that her daughter was dead.

Amanda had been right. He had failed them both. Alex and their child were never going to come back. Sean would never get to marry Alex, or tell their child he loved him or her.

He was alone. All alone.

Sean pulled himself up from the ground, his legs shaking slightly as he did so. He had made his decision, knowing there would be no going back. He leant forward and placed a lingering kiss on Alex's forehead, steeling himself for what he was about to do.

Glancing around the room, his eyes caught sight of the locked medical cabinet.

He walked over to the case and pried it open using the back of a ballpoint pen. Briefly, a sad smile crossed his face, recounting a story Alex had once told him about doing the same, breaking into the medical cabinet. Only she'd done it to save Nikita.

The lock clicked open and Sean reached his hand in and grabbed the first thing that he found.

 _Sobelex_

He bit back an angry laugh at the cruel irony of the situation. Feeling the weight of the bottle in his hand he looked back at Alex and suddenly it didn't seem so heavy anymore.

Unscrewing the cap, Sean grabbed a glass of water. Pain evident on his face, he swallowed the bottle of pills before drinking the water. He knew there was no going back now and he didn't regret it.

He and Alex would be together, be it in life or in death. Throwing the empty bottle into the garbage, Sean sat down on the floor, his back against one of the legs of the morgue table, gently grasping Alex's hand in his. Giving it a gentle kiss, his eye sight started to blur.

"I love you Alex." he whispered.

Everything around him went black.

By the time anyone found him, it would be too late.


End file.
